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Week 78


Here comes the obligatory wondering about whether SARS might be a bioweapon. People have been wondering that about West Nile virus for ages. I mean, it started from NEW YORK, right? And it's from the NILE!

SARS must be a Chinese bioweapon, because it's causing severe problems within the Chinese government and the Chinese capital is the most SARS-infected city on earth. They're *real tricky*, these Chinese bio-saboteurs.



The ELF oil scandal continues to unfold in court. Kohl, Mitterand, Edith Cresson, these are the top people in Europe here, just taking that oil lubricant and squeezing it right into the gears of the political parties and the spook underworld. It's kind of the suave, Jean Paul Sartre version of Enron. The scope of this thing is colossal.

How did poor Boris Becker, and "Dede the Sardine" and Fatima Le Floch-Prigent get into this racket? How do they find people like that, exactly? Do you even *know* when you're in the conspiracy? Do they get you a badge?



Well, they finally busted Fluffi Bunni. Man, as 'l33t hackers go, that bunny had balls of solid brass.

How does a British guy get a name like "Lynn Htun," anyway? Even "Fluffi Bunni" is a more plausible-sounding name than "Lynn Htun."



Meanwhile, India continues its daring assault on the Moon. When will there be a Bollywood movie about this? If you are a Bollywood film producer, get in touch with me. I kinda swore I'd never write for Hollywood, but I'll make a special exception for you guys. This script will almost write itself.



When the massive shelling and tank assaults cool off in Iraq, it's time to kick back and hang out at "SniperWorld."

Why? Because when the official version of the US military leaves, Special Ops people are all over the place. And they've got the T-shirts to prove it!

"Chaos control!" Absolutely! A great shirt to wear while cleaning up the ol' office!

If you have to bail out of your ruptured Stealth, you want a pararescue "PJ Angel."

Actually, since you're a young, red-blooded American guy, you want a *much sexier* PJ Angel, with a kind of Global Dominatrix thing happening.

Even if you are a really tough biker -- like, say, a crazed biker with eight or nine outstanding assault warrants plus a fatal illness with only six months to life -- you shouldn't wear this US Marine Force Recon shirt. I don't think those Force Recon guys are kidding around.



Bruce Sterling writes books like Darwin watched animals. Find out more about him, and read tattered electronic copies of Cheap Truth, at the Bruce Sterling Online Index. He lives with his wife Nancy and their two daughters in Austin, Texas.

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